Turning 40

Today is Monday, January 25 and I am three days away from turning 40. These days I don't often think I'm terminally unique, so I was more than a little surprised when I started to stress a few months ago about turning 40. I'm very grateul to be alive and reasonably sane. But I had lapsed into comparing my accomplishments to those around me; both to those in my personal life and the media.

40 sounds so foreign to me because in my heart, I feel like I'm in my mid-20's. But when I think about it, I'm better than I was in mid-20's. My life and my thoughts aren't as frantic as they were back then. But I can only blame a small percentage of it on being younger, because there were definitely peers around me who weren't as angst-ridden as I was. I was so busy trying to be all that 'you' wanted me to be. It was a great recipe for insanity. Thankfully I began a journey in my late-20's which has given me the opportunity to see on a day-to-day basis that I am okay just the way I am. Which doesn't mean I don't need to challenge myself to evolve, update, edit and grow. But it does mean I need to continue to stop trying to recreate God's (Universal Reality, etc.) original design. My looks are my looks and I need to own and love them. My persona is my own and I need to stop being ashamed of what it doesn't represent for some people. My family is my family and you only get one. And if I remind myself that I am a work in progress, I won't be so harsh on those I love the most. My friends are my heart and help me to see I can be a thoughtful, compassionate, witty (and at times challenging) person. They keep me grounded through their love, support and honesty. And I challenge myself to do the same.

Being single and 40, at least for me, caused me to spend some time wondering if I was doing life the "right way". I was starting to lapse into familiar territory, asking myself what I was doing wrong. Or more honestly, "What did I do to deserve this fate?" But as time moved forward and I began to share what I was feeling, I realized once again that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And if I look at the glass half full, I see that I have so much love in my life today. I have the unconditional love of family and friends and a very strong support system that keeps me balanced on a day-to-day basis. Which is not to say I don't yearn for the opportunity to share my life with someone. But as a dear friend often reminds me: romantic love is not the crucial ingredient to a healthy and balanced way of living, it's one of the ingredients of this thing called life.

So as I sit here clacking away on the keyboard, I say to myself that I am truly grateful to be blessed with the opportunity to be turning 40. I am gifted and blessed and supported, and riding this journey with a surplus of love and 39+ years of life experience and wisdom.